The Sinister Design Forums

The object is to make the previous person leave the bench, simply type your actions and words, then the next person repels you or lures you away. If the influence is too weak to leave say so but leave most of the time .

Sits down picks nose and flicks it on random user.

Gets up. Farts. Sits down. Farts again. People run away quickly.

(this needs more rules)

Not really, sits down places feet on the bug's lap.

Yawns and lays back and starts to snore. Drool gets on Namelesskitties lap.

(this needs more rules. No one is going to be lured away)

Walks in listening to queen on ipod. Starts sitting at top oh lungs. Sits down.

Rolls over and droops on Mopmans lap, still asleep and snoring.

Briefly wonders what is happening then demands an explanation.

Wakes up with a start, knocking the Holy Nameless and Mopman off the bench and tells you to read the previous posts. Then goes back to sleep, spread out on the park bench.

Kicks the lazy Bug off the bench, and proceeds to relax on it after a long day.

I sleep on the ground and smile, dreaming of revenge to be enacted. Then I wake up, go to the nearest hardware store, get a blowtorch and a can of sprayable cologne, then go back to the bench. Then I aim the cologne at the bench, and light the blowtorch and ignite the spray of cologne, effectivly setting the bench, and it's sole occupant alight. This game is kinda wrong. Knobs is going to be lured of the bench. I just burned it. It's a tie.

Makes the Bug pay for the damages, then makes the Bug pay for his ruined outfit (ash doesn't wash out easy, ya know!).

Constructs a bug sized bench and avoids paying the fines because I'm a bug. I then sit on the bench.

Steps "accidentally" on the bug.

Walks over after having been to an all you can eat mexican bean buffet. Stomach starts churning incredibly loudly.

You realize that you can't sit on the bench and run away in tears. My thousands of children resurect me from the dead and I return unkillable and keep my bug sized bench.

This is like KotH but if you would leave in real life leave, also can we assume that from now on everyone is human.

Nah. I kick the cat and go back to sitting on my really small parkbench, reading a really tiny newspaper, while everyone stares at me vicously.

You were the one to ask for rules so you are a human like everyone else and will leave if in real life you would.

Sits down on the normal sized park bench, picks up cell phone, "Alright I found him,"... "in the park"... "you're ready, good"... "how far away do I have to be again?"... "that far??!"... "well you know best"

Runs off, while TAFKaBugfartboy runs off takes the bench.

Discovers a trick and comes back to discover the bench entirely unharmed. Goes to a store and buys some laser pointers, recruits some friends and hides them in the bushes. Then has them aim the laser pointers at your chest. Then I wait for you to notice them. Then you notice a note I had left behind on the bench. It says,"Bye bye nasty kitty. PS MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!". You run off and never return. I then take the bench.

Never returning is too much control, I come back to find you broke unsaid rules and have the state of Texas (because, It's big and populated) arrest you for breaking the unsaid rules of charachter control.

I then sue for my release for arresting me for something that I had no idea of. You are then locked up for many many years and I take the bench.

I use my hooker voice. Scram. My bench.

give you the eye, then say, yeah you sat in it. by the way, you don't need to do anything too radical, just something that would make you get off in real life

Sit next to you with AIDS.

Walks over with a contagious flesh-eating disease covering the left side of my body.

Let you have the left side of the bench.

Turns around and makes to hug you in a brotherly way.

Stop you, and introduce you to Zaktan, who has an equally interesting skin condition.

Belch the alphabet repeatedly. People move away. I sit down.

Pick you up. Drop you 5 meters away from the bench. My bench. Dare you to do anything about it.

Punch you repeatedly. Spit on your unconscious body. Sit down on bench.

Returns with a chili dog with beans, onions, and garlic. Eats it getting chili all over you. Belch in your face.

While you were asleep, go over to the local toy store, and buy as many bionicles as there are. When you wake up, they are all pointed at you. You run.

I use the powers of the soon to be created Darkness and his black winged steed Night to corrupt you on the spiritual level and the devil takes you home. I take the bench and decide to share with mopman.

Woot! Although bear in mind, I did release the Mega-Fart.

Hello!! Farting bugboy! I can live with it.

I give you a leprosy hug until you go away to get antibiotic treatment.

Has mopman protect my seat until I return. Returns and punches you in the face through a rubber glove.

Are you normally such a violent person?

Ummmmm... No... I've just been in a bad mood and I've been smacking people to make up for it.

picks nose, nose falls off on buggy. after buggy runs away, I put my nose back in.

MACE THE CAT!!

tazer the duck please.

Breathes in face.

Cat falls over.

kitty loves fishy, ducky is next :-*

Stone duck time!!  :-\

claws your face off, then rubs salt in it, you run off screaming.

You would do that to a duckling? How mean. I guilt you into getting off the bench for the duck with a face cast.

I mean, look at it.

I am a cat, nothing doing.

I'll bet you didn't look at the face cast.

I did, I laughed for three hours straight.

It hasn't been 3 hours.

I'm still laughing

I get a ghost dog to chase you off the bench.

Uses my Wraith powers to control nameless to eat duckling. Then I make nameless take a bath. Wet kitty not allowed near park bench. MINE!!

This isn't KoTH.

So. My wraith powers aren't from KOTH.

No unrealistic powers. I only used stone duck as a defense mechanism, because kitty clawed my face.

I take out a shot gun. Ducky go bye-bye now. Shoots duckling. :-*

Launches nameless from a cannon filled with dirty bathwater.

And I come back scratch your face off and rub salt on it, I take the bench.

Being a bug, or more specifically a cockroach, I have a high tolerance for pain. I crawl back and crawl up your butt, making you run off screaming while leaving me with the bench.

You would do that in real life? I say nay.

I give you a hug. You leave.

I post an official complaint, and I win the bench in court of law.

I accidentally knock a star from the sky and it starts hurtling toward you and you run off screaming leaving the bench, and deed to the bench alone.I snatch the deed and the bench and take it home with me and put the deed in a Swiss vault.

Unfortunately, the deed you stole was a fake and that guy who ran off screaming was my double. With the law still on my side, you get obliged to give my the bench, and you are arrested for destroying the fragile balance of the solar system and making a star fall, and therefore you are condemned to a life in prison. MY BENCH! ;)

This is turning into KOTH. I ask you very nicely to give me the bench and you do so. Inalso ask you to leave it alone because it is sleeping and you comply. MY BENCH!!

You can't ask me to give you the bench because you're in prison. Still my bench.

this is like KotH but no superpowers armors anything like that, we're all just people, people sized talking cats and people sized talking bugs.

And person-sized talking ducks! You're ignoring the minority. I represent only 33% of the population of people-sized talking animals, and I want more rights. I sue for underrepresentation, and due to the Civil Rights act, I get the bench.

And YOU CAN'T KNOCK A STAR that is 3.67*10^4 light-years away out of the sky. It's not in the sky in the first place. It would take longer than you'll ever live to get here, even if you could transmute the entirety of the star into light, all traveling towards Earth, and transmute it back when it got close. And, it would light our atmosphere on fire.

This is Park Bench. Anything can happen.

No, Holy Nameless expressly said that it's not like KOTH, and only normal stuff.

I put my armpit in your face. And remember, water just runs down ducks' backs. It doesn't get to the armpit.

Just curious, but didnt I shoot you with a shotgun? I also enlist an army of duck hunters and cat burgalars(as in steals cats) to aid me.

I shoot namelesskitty out of another cannon and he doesn't survive.

He's a ghost kitty, remember?

And do you really kill people in real life? As this is representing what you might do to get someone off the bench were there so social rules to the contrary, not if you had super-powers.

I pull another prank similar to the one I pulled on nameless earlier involving laser pointers. But I inform Mopman of what is happening so he doesn't run. Bah. I'm better at KOTH.

I'm conivinced you're choking. I think I need to call an ambulance. *Thunk*. Yep, he definitely has blunt force trauma.

I go to the City government and tell them that you say you are a Demon Prince. They then exorcise you. Demons are bad for tourism.

When they get there, there's only an innocent duck! And all that's left is a Prince of Math. You just made me slightly less cool. I'm rather dissapointed in you.

City hall is like in Spin City, and now Charlie Sheen has taken over for Michael J. Fox, and the park bench is granted in a ceremony... to me.

But there was a mix-up and it was supposed to be given to me. They realize their mistake and  give the bench to me. I'll be taking that.

Oh... come on. I made all the effort to make a reference to my 5th favorite TV show, and you take the bench the next post. I'm sad.

I grab namelesskitty and have him scratch your face off and then I rub salt in it.N:P

That's... fairly violent.

But it's a namelesskitty classic!

Only in Robot wants Puppy.

But it has also been used by namelesskitty.

While you're trying to get my facts straight, I push you off the bench, while whistling obnoxiously.

Ok, remember the army of duck hunters? Hmm? Our bench!

I deploy an army of duck hunter hunters. Oh, yeah. I just went there.

I request the aid of the International Laser Association and have them beam a high powered laser and disentigrating your duck hunter hunters. Our bench.

Hmm... I predict a 90% chance of anchovie showers. Your duck hunters go home, and I would like to keep the bench.

Why would anchovie showers send them home? They love anchovies.

Actually, 75% of people have a gustatory or cultural revultion to anchovies, whether because of taste, salt levels, or simply the fact that they look gross.

yum yum, I come and eat the anchovies, then I claw your face off yet again and rub the last anchovy in it.

Fine. They're a bit salty though.

yes the salt is rubbed in the bleeding wound that was your face.

Gets a bath tub. Grabs the mangy cat and duck and throws them in, then closes the lid. Yes my bath tub has a lid. It locks too. :P OUR BENCH!!

Fortunately, ducks and cats aren't that bad enemies, right? Oh, and I'm telling PETA.

We call the PETA (not people eating tasty animals, the animal rights one) they call their hitmen on you, and unlock the animals and give them the bench, we are the animals, our bench.

As you are a stray cat, nameless, I call the pound and they haul you off.
I bring a dog to chase the duck around as I relax on the bench.

I consider pushing the yogc off MOPMAN AMD I'S bench but offer to share it instead.

* mopman's and my not mopman and I's. you, being wrong,  are hauled off to grammar learning camp. since all animals who are player controlled are human size we are set free and take the bench.

Yeah, that bench was getting crowded. But I'll share it with a cat as long as he doesn't try to eat me.

Quote from: The Holy namelesskitty on September 14, 2010, 06:44:05 PM
This is like KotH but if you would leave in real life leave, also can we assume that from now on everyone is human.

This has been ignored.

I get out a hit out on pam anderson. I also have scientists discover evidence that peta does testing on animals. Without Pamelas support, and in the face of this new evidence, peta is taken down in a multitude of riots and court cases. I then lock nameless and ducky in a bath with a pack of piranahs. I also extend the hand of friendship towards yogc. Our bench!

I also extend the hand of friendship along with Mopman to yogc.

I'd rather not have alliances of more than three people, I say this as the creator of this thread.

Yogc would make three people. Mopman, Buggy, and maybe Yogc.

yeah, just don't go over that many please.

Alright. Would we be safe to assume that you and Duckling are in an alliance?

of course.

I go duck hunting. With a machine gun. I guess that will keep duckling occupied and let my allies hold the bench.

I go elf hunting, then I forse you to work in Santa"s workshop along with Legolas and Herbie, then we call our animal friends and they chase you off the bench, our bench.

I construct an army of robots to both aid Mopman in defense of the bench and aid me in rescuing yogc from Santa's Workshop.

but we still have the bench. :P

You know, that just inspired me to change my name.
I bring Legolas back with me. Hunting time.

You just pushed yogc of the bench that he was kidnapped from. Mopman and I were still there.

Legolas turns out to be a cat person, because he killed all those dogs in the second book. still our bench. :P

He takes care of Ducky. I still have my machine gun, remember? (Plus a sword)

I give yogc a lightsaber. He keeps his sword too.

Luckily I'm still a ghost see KotH and cannot be killed like that and bring ducky back.

Now im really sure that that is against the rules.

And if it isn't, it should be. You said no superpowers and I count ghostlieness to be a superpower.

I call Bugfartboy and tell him to stay out of California, as it is 100^oF here. I just felt like taking part in this game.

I go anyway and bring the bench with me. I then slap Duskling for no good reason.

I then declare war over the bench with the codename: "King of the Bench." :D

Since the name if the game has drastically changed so that it has become very similar to KotH, my wraith powers return to me due to major interdimensional structural weakness tonthe point where realms such as KotH and Park Bench begin to blur. I possess Duskling AMD abolish the war but leave the name. Our Bench!

I also journey to the dimension of the telepath series and recruit the mechanics, helenites, and all the psys I can find for the newly formed: Bench Defense League. I also establish a longstanding portal to that world and take over the management for the psy academy for a permanent recruiting office. I also recruit characters from several leading videogame series such as metroid, legend of zelda, and mario, for the B.D.L. 

I eat a cheesey bean burrito and turn the bench zone into a gas bomb zone.

I hide my body deep within a secret mound underneath the bench and use Dusklings body to defend it and the bench after cutting his nose off to survive the gas.

Cutting off one's nose does not help one survive smelly gas. In fact, it only makes your olfactory nerves more open to the air, and your sense of smell keener.

But due to the fact that the wraith has no WORKING nose having no body of it's own, it is not affected by the gas.

Then you asphixiate.

Having no knowlege of what that means, my wraith uses mind blast and you accidentally scratch yourself while I pace below summoning my secondary wraith from KotH throughthe weakened interdimensional wall structures to take command of Duskling's body while my primary wraith uses the cut in namelesskitties ghostly self to possess it. I then use namelesskitty to aid in bench defense. My KotH self begins to grow another wraith.

It means you die from a lack of oxygen.

I let purple dinosaurs loose on the bench-goers, thus ridding any entities near the bench of wraiths.

At the last second, my wraith leaves the body of Duskling and moves into Barney. My namelesskitty ghost wraith survives nonethe less.

There are no WRAITHS in bench. Just KoTH.

Yeah, a ghost was pushing it, I am now just a normal human sized cat.

Funny how you two get away with things but the second Bugfartboy twitches, it goes back to being unallowed.

I ask only for the non-paranormal. You can call in an airstrike, but no wraiths.

I was refering to the 50 ft tall purple dinosaur and ghost cat.

True that. Also, remember the B.D.L.? They kill you. And then go back to gaurding bench.

Wait, are we still in alliance?

Wait who has the bench now?

Mopman and I.

Okay, the poor schmo in a purple dino suit (I never said it was 50 feet tall) was not paranormal. And I wasn't the one who did the ghost cat thing.

I slap the dinosaur and he falls down. Still our bench.

You forget that the actor wearing a barney suit is high, and is very strong. (You know, the actor playing barney was SUPPOSEDLY on drugs at some point) But anyway, I just got back from P.E. class, and sweat on you.

The B.D.L. kill you.

What are BDL? And you're not supposed to kill people. The objective to make them leave.

The Bench Defense Legions. Read back a page or two. It's there.

But no killing still, right? Anyway... I enlist an army of (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) smilies to help me overrun your position, and then KO you with their cuteness!!!!

[spoiler=The Army](http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) (http://s3.postimage.org/UonM9.png) 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But when they see the cuteness of a cat without a name allof their faces explode from overexposure to cuteness, then you run away before the cuteness reaches critical mass, my bench.

I cut out the cuteness singularity from spacetime, and stitch it together with a black hole, making a spacetime cat-flap. That might come back to bite me later. But for now, the bench is mine.

By the way, Bench Defense League, not legions. They use their influence in the government to make you, nameless, and duskling the top 3 most wanted. You all run from the F.B.I., C.I.A. and for the heck of it, N.C.I.S. You killed a naval officer, prepare to be caught.

I also call animal control and what the hey... I call TRPG2's Hero too!

I didn't kill anyone!  :(

Doesn't matter. I have enought ties in the upper government to orchestrate all of this.

Well, I bring an accordion, which brings an end to all orchestration of any kind.

I get a pardon from Obama, and tell him to pardon you for corruption of the government, and he obliges; we really don't have to be enemies here -- just rivals both wanting the bench.

Who said it was the U.S. government? I didn't. It could be the Iranian Government for all you know.

(PSst!! That was a way to downscale the war to normal proportions)

I ingore the imprisonment, and wipe snot all over the bench. My bench.

I take out my ever handy can of pepper spray and use it on you. You run away and I pull out many pepper spray armed robots waiting to spray enemies.

I ignore the unrealistic robots, and sneeze. Then, I chatter incessantly.

I duct tape your mouth shut. And your still on the run from the authorities.

No, I'm not. Remember, I'm blatantly ignoring them?  ::) :P

And you can't duct tape my mouth shut. This game, as established in acting conservatories and teaching programs, is not about keeping the bench so much as regaining it through everyday means.

I sit on your lap.

I kick you off.

Actually, I'm pretty sure you walked away after feeling uncomfortable.

Shouting for to get down as there is enemy fire, or some other way to make me think I need to get off the bench is acceptable.

The bench is really in a theater. It's crowded. I yell "Fire!" and frame Duckling for it.

Well, the police really clear that up, and once my speedy trial is done, and I am innocent, I also tear down the movie theatre, since there really shouldn't be anything but a bench.

I sue you for sexual harassment. I now have a restraining order on you. So you can't come within 100 ft of me, and I am sitting on the bench.

I join him.

Actually, you failed, because I didn't sexually harass you, and I don't like that you brought that up. Anyway, I spray AXE all over the bench. You promptly fall over, and I drag you off the bench while wearing a gas mask. It should clear up by next post.

I jam a gob of silly putty under your gas mask.

I then fart and put give you a wet Willie the way my granddad does. With... My... TOUNGE!!!

I then spray you with your own AXE. Does this mean an alliance with the new guy?

I'm a subject pronoun. I can dish it out, but I can't take it. Talk to me about that.

? I do not understand your post.

Well, subject pronouns tend to be the ones doing things, and object pronouns recieve the actions.

And that has to do with this how? ???

It doesn't. While Duckling is explaining himself, I boot him off the bench and lay down on it

I promptly sit on you. And it has everything to do with it. If you can't draw a connection between two posts in conjunction with the same post, ur2dumb4me, then I deem you truly worthy of thy name.

I remain laying on the bench while a wind picks up and you feel the irresistible urge to fly south for the winter.

Actually, the bench is where the first poster is, and that would be Southern USA. Ducks don't need to migrate in the South. Try harder.

I pull a bugs bunny and yell "Duck Season!" You are chased away by frenzied hunters.

Elmer Fudd doesn't scare me. My head can twist around 2000 degrees, which is the result of being shot.

I chase bugs and you away with a feather duster.

Feather dusters don't scare me. I am a superior cleaning device.

Then I pull out the snake nest in a ball and throw it at the Duck. And those are real snakes by the way.

Then I cage you with my mortal enemy, the swiffer. He easily defeats your feather duster abilities.

I walk out of the cage, and ignore the rather aggressive attempt at snakitude.

Then, I get an enthusiastic 5-year-old and tell her to step on any bugs she finds.

I take the bench, and see if anyone is going to try to stop me.

I'm not a bug. I'm a bugboy. There's a difference. Enraged, I push you off the bench and spit on your face.

I also spit on you face. And rob a store, throw you the stolen goods and ski mask, then yell "hey cops, its the robber!"

Actually, I'm in a park, sitting on the ground, dazed, wondering someone would be so rude as to spit on me, and no where near a store of any kind.

Then I tisk at the bugboy until he is guilted into leaving the bench.

But Bugfartboy is listening to his iPod, therefore, he can't hear your tisking and is unaffected.

Actually, I ignore your earbuds and tisk through them. Now it's your turn to come up with a new and interesting way to get me to leave, rather than refuting what has happened.

I throw a bag of dog poop at your face. You faint from the smell.

Then an ice-cream cart comes alongside you and your fainted body is trampled by eager rushing little children.

I ignore the incivility, as neither keeping people down, nor alliances are the point of the game. I couldn't have fainted from the smell, and I sit on little children with some regularity.

Then, I put you in a full nelson until you leave the bench. You are completely free to come back to the bench and rid the bench of me, but be fully prepared or me to come bakc next post. Such is the way of Park Bench. And there's only room for one on the bench.

Quote from: Duckling on October 29, 2010, 05:51:47 PM
nor alliances are the point of the game.

Yet they are not against the rules as long as they don't grow beyond 3 people.

Quote from: Duckling on October 29, 2010, 05:51:47 PM
And there's only room for one on the bench.

At what point was this put into the rules?

I ignore your partial bending of the rules and grab my tazer, stun you with a very high voltage and kick you off the bench and sit down, while you lay there drooling on the nice sidewalk.

• I don't drool.
• I didn't bend the rules. Show me exactly how I bent the rules.
• I dictated that the bench must be so, in the exact same way that you have dicatated that it is perfectly okay, in your worldview, to punch innocent ducks that cross your path.
• Just because something is not against the rules doesn't mean it should be so. Ripping people off based on their lack of experience in Monopoly is fun, and there is nothing in the rules against it, but it does not hold up to my moral code.
• You have a tazer?

• Quote from: The Holy NamelesskittyThe object is to make the previous person leave the bench, simply type your actions and words, then the next person repels you or lures you away. If the influence is too weak to leave say so but leave most of the time

  . The term "influence" suggests that the action "repel"ling or "lur"ing you away should be a nonviolent one, where a person occupying the bench has a strong incentive to leave of their own accord. Man of the Mop got it close with the dog poo.

Yes I have a tazer. Yes you were bending the rules by stating that the bench only seats one person.

In the confusion, you forget about the bench and go home feeling like a jerk.

No, actually, there is no home in the Park Bench universe.

No, I do not feel like a jerk.

No, I was not bending the rules. Please explain exactly which rule I was bending. I do not understand how you believe it is not bending the rules to simply dictate the actions of others in place of giving them reasonable incentive to leave of their own accord, whereas it is, to temporarily dictate that the bench is a bit smaller than ususal, for the sake of discouraging alliances, which are not the point of the game.

While you are making long explanations, we "accidentally" knock you off the bench and expand the size of the bench. We sit down and make sure that there is no room for more people to sit.

Again, you have completely and utterly failed to reach the point of the game. This game is about creativity, and not simply brute force. If it were, I would easily beat the snot out of your wimpy pushes, shoves, tazes, punches, and tramplings with an AK-47. But as brute force is not the point, I chose simply to flirt at you until you feel sufficiently awkward to leave. No, seriously, this makes 95% of people feel awkward, and 60% of the 5% that don't feel awkward are gay. Not being homophobic at all, and I am simply reporting honest statistics, and trying to make you feel awkward. If you consider this a long explanation, I would say you have an extremely short attention span, and that you are not suited to this kind of game, which, contrary to your obvious opinion, is NOT KING OF THE HILL.

I am currently sitting on the bench, and do not have control over it, as no one really has control over a park bench, and am simply sitting here until someone gives me incentive to leave this bench OF MY OWN ACCORD. Has that gotten through your braincase?

Yep. I shoot at you with my slingshot while blowing my kazoo in your ear.

Brilliant!! Outstanding!! Marvelous!! Spectacular!! You didn't dicatate my movement, and it's only slightly violent, but in the permissable range, and you've given me enough incentive to leave!! That deserves an A+!! That is exactly what I am looking for!!!!!!

But now I'm going to have to one-up you with a vuvuzela. And if you don't know what it is, please look it up, as it's worth knowing. If you do, all the better for you.

VUVUZELA TIME!!!

I accidentally sit on your horn shaped instrument. Sorry. And I'm half deaf today. Sinus pressure is blocking my eardrums. I pass gas very loudly.

Hmm. I try to implicitly convert you to primitive data type int at runtime.

It doesn't affect me. I am not a robot. Error error error error error error error error error...

I bring my dog and have her breathe on you. Hehe. But I have noseplugs.

I'm not even in possession of the bench! What good can that accomplish? And... just ewrrrgghhh!

I set up a forcefield around the bench, cutting off fresh air supply. Whenever you feel the need to leave, go right ahead.

Wouldn't that kill someone? I start quoting Shakespeare at the top of my voice.

I take a very long indestructible and forcefield proof straw and get fresh air using it. I also set one up for my dog. I then fart.

I never said you couldn't leave the forcefield at any time... I just said the air around you and your dog couldn't get out. Leave when it gets stuffy.

Well, to quote somebody "I have a forcefield anuller ray" and i use it to. I belch in your face after eating a garlic sandwich. (Literally garlic cloves, between 2 pieces of garlic bread) and a buffet table full of onions.

Sadly, the forcefield no longer is married. The anuller ray did its work. Meanwhile, inside the bubble, I start to give Buggy a foot massage.

Buggy leans back and enjoys it. Then boots you out. Then my diabetic dog licks you. Trust me. That's one of the worst things in the world that can happen to you. And the worst part is, it NEVER COMES OFF!!!!!!!

I must have had an anuerism at that point. Why would I give you a foot massage?

I must have meant a foot message, along the lines of a kick.

I build bench number two and place my KotH character* upon it next to me to guard it right after it burns bench 1 and now my bench is bench 1.

_{*a fire cat ghost}

I return from exile and take a seat, hopefully allowed by the others?

I friend hug you and allow you to continue to sit as we talk about stuff.

Feeling betrayed, I walk up and start screaming at both of you, while using big fancy fancy words to make you feel not-smart.

When you're done I friend hug you too and offer you a seat.

Shrugging off the hug, I take the seat and begin to slowly worm Namelesskitty off the seat while distracting with small talk. "I really thing you ought to take the "Holy" out of your name. It's a little egocentric."

You forget that I am divine prophet of Craiginism, plus my name would feel so incomplete without it. When I fall off the bench I cry at your deceit and underhanded selfish maneuvers.

Unmoved, I simply point out that Holy Wars is dead.

Then I sit on the back still hurt, and point out my second point, plus I'm still divine prophet, it's just that nobody cares.

And I repoint out my first point. It's narcissist.

It's a joke, maybe I'm full of holes instead.

Let's get some crossbows and make this here paladin "holy"

I won't change, get back on topic.

I am on topic. While you were arguing your egocentric point, you just walked into a church without realizing it. Nice...

Would you leave the poor cat be? The name isn't egocentric, it's fun; he/she's being facetious, not narcissist.

Meanwhile, I swat you with newspaper until you leave the bench. It's what you do to bugs.

Sadly I'm a genetic strain of cockroach. Yep. I'm a human sized bugboy with the near unkillable ability of a cockroach. Irritated at failing, you leave.

You can smoosh a cockroach between your thumb and forefinger,I've done it, no get if ir I'll turn on the lights.

Sadly, for you, though I am no mere bug. I am a bug/boy hybrid. Which means I'm person sized, look human, and have the mind of a human. I boot the cat off the bench.

I jump on you you become a squish on the bench.

I lick the squished bug/fart/boy off the chair. YUM