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Author Topic: King of the hill  (Read 201102 times)

bugfartboy

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Re: King of the hill
« Reply #765 on: September 02, 2010, 06:30:01 PM »

I rise from the dead when you are very old. I then scare you and give you a heart attack. My hill. By the way. You said my men were gone. You never said I was gone.
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ArtDrake

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Re: King of the hill
« Reply #766 on: September 02, 2010, 06:33:40 PM »

The paramedics arrive in time, and retore me. I use healing powers to go back to 36 yrs. old, and cast a perma-stay-that-way spell. I scare the zombie pants off of you, because, face it: who looks good right after having had 60 years taken off their life? My hill. I get a paladin to take care of you, and destroy your spirit. If someone lays claim to the hill, and their name is remotely like bigfartboy, they are a ghoul and a pretender.

Oh, hi! You must be the future bugfartboy! btw, it looks like a Holy Vampire is going to throw you in! But I haven't ressurected him yet... how could this be?
« Last Edit: September 04, 2010, 06:51:26 PM by Duckling »
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bugfartboy

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Re: King of the hill
« Reply #767 on: September 02, 2010, 06:43:17 PM »

Satan in Hell rejects my entrance request and forces me back into the land of the living. I change my name to Damien and turn the hill into a volcano. It erupts and destroys you. I then recreate the hill and claim it. My hill.
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ArtDrake

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Re: King of the hill
« Reply #768 on: September 03, 2010, 02:07:11 PM »

Do I really need to ressurrect my holy vampire again?
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Steelfist

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Re: King of the hill
« Reply #769 on: September 04, 2010, 05:57:02 PM »

If you want to  ;)
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ArtDrake

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Re: King of the hill
« Reply #770 on: September 04, 2010, 06:49:30 PM »

Okay, guys. You'd better watch out. Here comes the new, revamped (emphasis on vampire), and altogether beatable (otherwise what would be the point), but not killable, Holy Vampire! Complete with a titatium tungstenate heart, meaning it's unstakable, and unburnable; a genetic twist that makes sure that it likes garlic. And since it's a holy vampire, it won't be accepted at either Heaven or Hell! When it bites you, it uses very convincing arguments and fine print to make you fight on his side (doesn't apply to bosses or players -- just hired cronies) (and I don't like the idea of involuntary enslavement). It can turn into Meta Knight at will! (He's almost a bat...).

My Holy vampire gives you a Bronx cheer, and then whacks you upside the head. Done with insult, he adds injury. He then throws you back in time, into the volcano with me! (Check back to the previous posts; you'll see they've changed)

My Holy Vampire clams the hill in my stead. My Hill.
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Ertxiem

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Re: King of the hill
« Reply #771 on: September 04, 2010, 06:53:58 PM »

Well... since your holy vampire likes garlic, I bribe him with 100kg of high quality garlic for him to give me the hill. My hill.
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Ert, the Dead Cow.
With 2 small Mandelbrot sets as the spots.

ArtDrake

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Re: King of the hill
« Reply #772 on: September 04, 2010, 07:02:04 PM »

I give my vampire a stern lecture on what is important in life. i.e. the Hill.

Then, I cover the hill with leather. The dead cow is shocked that his brother was used for hill-covering, and runs away.

My Holy Vampire (now bribe-proof) claims the Hill in my stead, because I want to take a vacation. My Hill.
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Steelfist

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Re: King of the hill
« Reply #773 on: September 04, 2010, 07:33:58 PM »

I recruit a werewolf, who gives me a small amount of his blood. His brethren then distract the Holy Vampire, and I lodge a bullet coated with, and containing, the blood. This poisons the vampire, and we cut off his head and make him bite a lemon, killing him. We burn his body, and scatter the ashes in the sea. I take the Hill, and summon a demon army. The demons can be killed, but as soon as they are there soul flees back to the netherworld, and they slowly recover.
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ArtDrake

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Re: King of the hill
« Reply #774 on: September 04, 2010, 08:12:35 PM »

Lemons don't do that. My vampire has a soul, which is rejected at both the pearly and fiery gates. The ashes regather, and my Holy Vampire is born again. At circa 18 yrs. old, with an innate love of all things citrus. It turns out that my vampire had AIDS, and your werewolf came in contact with the bullet used to shoot the vampire, and promptly spread it around the werewolf community. No more werewolves! I now upgrade my vampire with sickle-cell disease, meaning that he's heavily resistant to other blood diseases. Vampires, however, are used to having blood quirks by now, and it doesn't affect him negatively. He also has a neck guard for prevention of chopping off his head, and he still needs to wear a retainer at night, because he was reborn with crooked teeth.

Lemon Rant
What is it with lemons? Is it lemons and citrus fruit? Why is that part of vampire mythology? Lemons weren't even around back then; they're a cross between a citron and a lime! Lemons don't kill people, they make them pucker!

Your demons,
Quote from: Steelfist
as soon as they are there
, flee back to the netherworld, meaning I don't have to fight them.

You forgot that it's my Hill until you claim it.
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Steelfist

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Re: King of the hill
« Reply #775 on: September 04, 2010, 08:47:35 PM »

I did claim it (I may not have said MY HILL, but I did claim it), and lemons kill vampires! It's a proven fact (on Terry Pratchet's diskworld novels)!

I resummon the demons, and add a clause in their summoning that forces them to stay and serve me until their body is destroyed.

I also summon ethereal help. Angels and demons combine to remove the stain that is this vampire, disintegrating him, and placing his soul in perpetual limbo. We each take a third of the ashes. I scatter mine into the sea, and the angels and demons each guard a portion in their respective 'residence'. My Hill. With demons guarding it.
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ArtDrake

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Re: King of the hill
« Reply #776 on: September 04, 2010, 09:00:38 PM »

My Holy Vampire isn't very good at limbo. It hurts his back, so he attempts to attach his soul the ashes in the ethereal domains of Heaven and Hell. The ashes immediately are rejected, and come together in halfway between France (the road to Heaven) and China (the road to Hell). A mini-me vampire dredges up the remaining third of the ashes, and grows back to normal size. Dying so much is really pissing him off, so he kills a lawyer, who will go negotiate with Lucifer about union labor for the demons, making them unaffordable. He also kills a judge who will do the same with God. The angels and demons are gone, and I disprove the existence of God, thereby making it impossible for you to summon the guards of the ethereal domains. My vampire stakes you through your cold metal heart, and kills you temporarily (because I know you'll ressurect yourself one post from now). My hill. And don't believe everything you read in Carpe Jugulum.
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Steelfist

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Re: King of the hill
« Reply #777 on: September 04, 2010, 09:07:17 PM »

So you've read it! I die, but I return as a spirit, and possess the vampire. My Hill. And I am the Holy Vampire.
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bugfartboy

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Re: King of the hill
« Reply #778 on: September 04, 2010, 09:13:13 PM »

I add to the protection of the Holy Vampire by creating a genetically engineered that gives him the strength of steel. I then arm him and pray to the mighty Craig to pull the hill to a place where it will never be stolen again. Our hill.
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Steelfist

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Re: King of the hill
« Reply #779 on: September 04, 2010, 09:16:40 PM »

Thanks.
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