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Well, to quote somebody "I have a forcefield anuller ray" and i use it to. I belch in your face after eating a garlic sandwich. (Literally garlic cloves, between 2 pieces of garlic bread) and a buffet table full of onions.

I'll have you know, I have been in training, and managed to clean the floor with that swiffer.
Pun one up.

I call the dogs out. Litterally. I blow a dog whistle and cover you in Eur' Du steak.
One one one one one one, up.

Wouldn't that kill someone? I start quoting Shakespeare at the top of my voice.

I throw a baseball at you.
ONE (life) UP!

I throw a bag of dog poop at your face. You faint from the smell.

I also spit on you face. And rob a store, throw you the stolen goods and ski mask, then yell "hey cops, its the robber!"

While you all are distracted, I throw a bucket of paint on you.
One Up!!!

Then I cage you with my mortal enemy, the swiffer. He easily defeats your feather duster abilities.

I don't. I use the pre mentioned time travel to transport you all back to before the big bang happened. You die from being bored to death by an empty universe.
Can you get a 1 up? 

Feather dusters don't scare me. I am a superior cleaning device.

I pull a bugs bunny and yell "Duck Season!" You are chased away by frenzied hunters.

And that has to do with this how? ???

? I do not understand your post.

I then spray you with your own AXE. Does this mean an alliance with the new guy?