No Pun Intended

[Zhampir]

A priest and a rabi walk in a bar, another guy ducks.

[Tastidian]

If you step onto a plane and recognize a friend of yours named Jack don't yell out Hi Jack!


I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak. I'm not a vegetarian.


The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.


Now matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.


I've been to the dentist several times so I know the drill.


To some - marriage is a word ... to others - a sentence.

A criminal's best asset is his lie ability.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption. My worst one yet.

[bugfartboy]

I thought they were punny. Wow. Hope I don't revive a dead thread.

[Duskling]

Necropost! (Hopefully, this was a good thread!)

A group of terrorists were camped out in a building, and the SWAT team threatened to blow their position with a rocket launcher, they gave up, no longer wanting to live on the other side of the LAW.

[ArtDrake]

"Darn it! This statue must weigh a ton!"

"Turn it around"

"What good'll that do?"

"Because backwards, it's not"

(Don't laugh, or the consequences will be dire.)

[The Holy namelesskitty]

That gives bad unfunny puns a bad name...


TAZER THE DUCK!!!!!

[ArtDrake]

How about this:

A man, a woman, and a used car seller walk into a bar.

[bugfartboy]

Eh. I don't get it.

[The Holy namelesskitty]

sorry I don't get it, are you suggesting that used car sellers constitute their own gender?

[ArtDrake]

Close. I'm suggesting that if the human race is made of men and women...

[bugfartboy]

Or maybe he thought they deserved their own species.

[The Holy namelesskitty]

Perhaps another homeworld entirely?

[ArtDrake]

It's obvious the joke isn't. Allow me to try again:

Icy, said the blind penguin, as he picked up the icicle and saw.

[bugfartboy]

Nope. Don't get it.

[ArtDrake]

Oh, come on. That one was a triple-entendre, and I worked for 5 minutes on it!

First of all, the penguin is holding an icicle, and it makes sense, and "icy" could mean as spelled, or "I see".

Second, what's a blind person, penguin or otherwise, doing with an icicle and saw?

Finally, saw is both a literal saw, and the past tense of "to see".

Thus, the blind penguin saw, (prompting an "Icy" referring to both the icicle and the saw) because the joke says he did: "... picked up the icicle and saw.

Get it?