Corrupt a Wish Foundation

[Ertxiem]

Wish granted, you have your ticked to a round trip to Brazil. However you need to embark within the next 5 min! Oh, what a shame, since you're offline, you missed this important information and, worst of all, you missed your flight. (Did I mentioned that you can't change your flight?)

I wish to grade some exams.

[ArtDrake]

Granted -- you had graded the papers some time between the simple past and the present perfect. You didn't grade them, but suddenly you've graded them! It's nice how the world works sometimes.

I wish for potato juice.

[Steelfist]

Wish granted. All fluids are replaced by potato juice. Including the ones in the human body. Like blood.

I wish to remain fully rested without sleep.

[Ertxiem]

Wish granted, you're in a rather resting coma, hence you're not sleeping.

I wish to also have all my fluids replaced by the juice of different vegetables in a bijective relation.

[ArtDrake]

Granted. However, the bijective relation applies at a molecular level, and the molar density of the vegetable juices differs enough from that of your fluids to the point where at the point of the transformation, a pressure wave comes of the sudden collapse of the decompressed liquid [which is a very high-energy physical transition], and a few of your blood vessels burst. Good thing you're already dead.

I wish you hadn't made me think about that.

[bugfartboy]

Granted. You cannot think about anything, and never will again.

I wish to be made of living ice.

[ArtDrake]

Granted. You melt.

I wish people would be quiet sometimes [I generally have less of a problem with people here than elsewhere, because no one here ever yells at me].

[bugfartboy]

Granted. But the genie got confused, and made your social life in all aspects more challenging and irritating.

I wish that I could easily manipulate the emotions of others to the point where I could do anything I want without any repercussions at all.

[ArtDrake]

The genie grants the wish upon himself, and manipulates your emotions to the point where you walk away quite happy, not even remembering your wish to have such a power, and only the vague sense that your desires were fulfilled.

I wish for the ability to spends years and years on a project without aging and without time passing.

[bugfartboy]

Granted. The moment you finish your project, or even stop working on it, time catches up with you. You work for a couple centuries. You finish your project, and disintegrate.

I wish for Duckling to regenerate by having curry added to his pile of dust.

[ArtDrake]

Granted. However, all this curry-dust magic going on is starting to put a strain on my corporeal form. I could turn back to ash or dust at any time.

I wish for a more permanent solution.

[bugfartboy]

Granted. I use Sharpie brand Sharpie markers to draw a poor representation of you on paper. There you go!

I wish to be more artistically acclimated.

[ArtDrake]

Extra! Extra! Mediocre artist bugfartboy draws a picture! Sorta looks like a guy with a moustache?! Read all about it!

I wish your artistic acclaim had been gained through merit alone.

[bugfartboy]

Granted. Sadly, I have not enough merit to succeed. You've just ruined my life.

I wish for a corruption-proof life.

[ArtDrake]

Granted. You have to give up your dream of being a bureaucrat in a South American country.

I wish for even more cats than I already have.

[I see you've gone and picked up a tailor-made version of my sig for yourself. I approve! I'm glad none of the contents are relevant until 3102, though, since I find it hard to deal with nonliteralism. Or maybe the 3102 was part of the nonliteral writing? Oh dear.]