Ha, ha and double ha!

[Idozen Cair]

Just post your favourite and best jokes here! For a start:

'I did not come here to be insulted.'
'What, you have a special place to go for that sort of thing?'

[Steel Ersatz Man]

Are dirty jokes allowed?

[bugfartboy]

Are they against the forum rules?

[Ertxiem]

As set by CraigStern on the old forums:
"All right folks, there are only a few rules for posting here (as of right now--more may be added later if the need arises):

-- no pornography
-- no hate speech
-- no spamming
-- no flaming

Doing any of those things is a bad idea, and will probably get you banned from these forums.

What should you do, then?

-- be polite
-- use proper grammar
-- consult dictionary.com when in doubt about how to spell something

That's all. Now go off and have fun!"

[MikeW781]

Maybe just put dirty jokes in a spoiler?

[bugfartboy]

Thanks Ert. I meant it as a rhetorical question, but oh well.

This is a situation joke that really happened today:

"A friend of mine was in French class doing a sheet to make up for a grade on a test. When she was done, I grabbed her paper and said 'This'll be great for a paper airplane! Ten your grades will really soar!'"

Get it?

[Ertxiem]

Maybe just put dirty jokes in a spoiler?

I don't really think it's a very good idea... these forums open to people of all ages.

[MikeW781]

I guess. I honestly would feel odd sharing a dirty joke here anyways.

[Idozen Cair]

Good one Buggy!

Mum: Weren't you going to grandma's?
Me: Yes, but after I walked three-quarters of the journey, I got too tired, so I walked back!

[ArtDrake]

Why was 6 afraid of 7 and 9?

7 8 9.

10, 9 8 7.

[Steelfist]

A dirty joke - sort of. Not particularly offensive, but lengthy.

An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. “Here’s $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me.”

At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, “I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery.”

“Well, since we’re confiding in each other,” said the doctor, “I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000.”

The lawyer was aghast. “I’m ashamed of both of you,” he exclaimed. “I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000.”

[ArtDrake]

Three priests are in a boat, fishing. They fish for several hours, and run out of bait. The first priest says, "I'll get some more."

He says a quick prayer, walks across the water, digs up some more worms, and crosses back with the bait. Several more hours of fishing later, they, again, run out of bait. The second priest says, "Don't worry. I'll get the bait this time."

He also says a quick prayer, walks across the water, digs up worms, and crosses back to the boat. Then, in the afternoon, they run out of bait again. The third priest, not wanting to make the other ones get the bait again, volunteers. "I'll get the bait this time." He says a quick prayer, gets out of the boat, and falls in the water. The first priest says to the second,

[spoiler=funny]"Should we tell him where the stepping stones are?"[/spoiler]

[Idozen Cair]

Good, good!

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?

So he can 'hoe, hoe, hoe'!

[ArtDrake]

One day, a man is out walking a little yellow dog, and he's confronted by a guy with a German Shepherd. The man says, "I bet my German Shepherd could beat up your little yellow dog." The guy with the little yellow dog says, "Bring it."

The German Shepherd starts to beat up the little yellow dog, but then the little yellow dog eats the German Shepherd. The man that had the German Shepherd goes off, crying.

The next day, the same guy is out walking his little yellow dog, and he's confronted by a guy with a Doberman. The guy with the Doberman says, "I'll bet that my Doberman could beat up your little yellow dog." The guy with the little yellow dog says, "My little yellow dog can take him."

The Doberman starts to beat up the little yellow dog, but then the little yellow dog eats the Doberman. The man that had the Doberman goes off, crying.

The day after that, the man is out walking his little yellow dog again, and a man with a Rottweiler confronts him. "I say my Rottweiler can beat up your little yellow dog." The guy with the little yellow dog says, "My little yellow dog is tough enough."

The Rottweiler starts to beat up the little yellow dog, but the little yellow dog, again, eats the Rottweiler. The man with the Rottweiler is shocked, and asks,

"What kind of dog is that, anyway?" The man replies,

[spoiler=funny]"Well, before I cut off the tail and painted it yellow, it was an alligator."[/spoiler]

[Idozen Cair]

A boy asked to use the car. His father said, 'No, unless you cut your hair.'

'But Jesus had long hair too!'

'Ah, but he WALKED everywhere.'