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[ArtDrake]

Granted, but it's the sugarless, fatless kind.

I wish for highly conditional immortality.

[bugfartboy]

Granted. You're immortal, but only in your dreams. You went to sleep one day, and haven't woken up since.

I wish for a friendly corruption.

[ArtDrake]

Granted. You take bribe money from a friend, in an act of highly friendly corruption, and are quickly indicted and impeached or recalled from public office in the wake of the scandal.

I wish my favorite shows always got second seasons.

[bugfartboy]

Granted, but they feature completely different cast with no real acting ability whatsoever, a poor director, and an absolutely horrible writer.

I wish that I wasn't quite so harsh in corrupting wishes.

[ArtDrake]

Granted, but no one returns the favor when it comes to corrupting your wishes, and you become embittered by harsh reality.

I wish I could perform a zoom-enhance on those pictures in ???, so I could figure out what exactly is going on in them.

[bugfartboy]

Granted. In your eagerness, however, you attract the attention of and unleash a Lovecraftian horror beyond moral comprehension upon the thread. Way to break it, hero.

I wish the Lovecraftian horror would go away.

[ArtDrake]

Granted. You perform a rite of banishment, but it involves the sacrifice of lambs from an endangered species of sheep, so you're now a wanted criminal.

I wish mathematical discoveries never went undiscovered and unreported.

[bugfartboy]

Now mathematical discoveries are discovered and reported, but no-one really notices because something more interesting is going on.

I wish for lasik eye surgery.

[ArtDrake]

Granted. Your eye now shoots lasik eye surgery lasers wherever you look, and your eyesight isn't any better.

I wish for a hot late-night meal that doesn't involve waking everyone up with the microwave.

[bugfartboy]

Granted, but you failed to wish for a plate, bowl, or eating utensils.  Enjoy trying to eat scalding hot soup from your lap without a spoon!

I wish for love and synchronized clipboard inspections.

[ArtDrake]

Granted. You now love synchronised clipboard inspections. All clipboard inspections are also now asynchronous.

I wish for love to be a thing that happens strictly to other people.

[bugfartboy]

Granted; although the genie got a little confused.  Instead of interpreting "other people" from your viewpoint, it interpreted it from it's own.  Now you have a genie that will never love again, and the genie's long-term significant other is very ticked.  Good job breaking it, "hero".

I wish that the genie would learn to love again OR that I could go for extended periods of time without sleep by plugging myself into my city's power grid.

[ArtDrake]

The genie ignores the capital letters and interprets your "OR" as a logical or, and grants both -- the genie's SO thanks you and chides them. Meanwhile, you attempt to perform this feat of insomnescence, but find yourself running up your electric bill drastically -- you'd better be doing some valuable work with this ability!

I wish for some healthy snack food.

[bugfartboy]

Granted; your snack food just finished running a marathon and is healthier than ever!  Unfortunately for you, it can easily outrun you.  Good luck catching it!

(Side note: I actually stuck title text on that OR. Title text that labeled it as an Exclusive OR instead of just an OR; allowing no more than one statement to be true for the expression to evaluate to true.  The more you know! )

I wish for unhealthy snack food.

[ArtDrake]

Granted. Your snack food has the bubonic plague. Hungry?

I wish I weren't on mobile and thus could read title text places that aren't non-hyperlinking pictures.