King of the hill

[Duskling]

No-o. I smashed your head to serve as a warning to all who would threaten the continued existence of this thread by agreeing to peace. Besides, 

That makes sense, in a way... a vile and twisted way. Also, I'd be lying if I said I didn't see it coming.

[Steelfist]

You certainly should have seen it coming. Unless you closed your eyes, because you didn't want to see the mace destroy your skull. Vile and twisted - why, thank you! Those are the qualities I'm proudest of.

Anyway, I place the Hill in a First City Bank vault and then memorise the shape of the key. I can recreate the key out of my own steel body, so I melt down the key. I then study and master several martial arts, armed and unarmed combat based. I begin to study study pyromancy, cyromancy and necromancy, all the while recruiting promising, skilled soldiers with ambition, and teach them my adapted martial art, the Way of Steel, and also subsequently some arcane arts. My only price is their loyalty. Their rewards will be phenomenal.

Soon.

[bugfartboy]

Soon what? You've obviously mastered the art of god-modding faster and more efficiently than rainen ever has. What left is there for you to do?

[Steelfist]

Ouch. But a compliment, in a way. At least I tend to restrict it to this thread. In all honesty, I'm being ominous for ominousity's sake. But hey, world conquering can't really be a bad thing, except for everyone else.

[bugfartboy]

I reset the game and put the hill on the back of an enormous tortise, to drift around the world in an unpredictable pattern.

[ArtDrake]

I use a grappling hook to climb aboard the tortoise, and claim it for my own.

[Hey, how about a new rule with regards to god-modding: nothing Superman couldn't handle, and nothing Batman couldn't handle with prep time?]

[bugfartboy]

I tell the tortoise to submerge, washing you off and away from my hill.

[I like that idea, although I don't know how necessary anti-godmoding rules with the forumgoers that are here nowadays.]

[ArtDrake]

I go get some scuba gear and pursue the tortoise! [Also, though this does not necessarily have any bearing on the game, tortoises are land creatures, while turtles are aquatic] Once I catch up, I hang on tightly in my scuba suit and restate my claim.

[Well, what say we dredge up the rule if it becomes absolutely necessary?]

[bugfartboy]

I get my harpoon gun, because bugs can obviously hold harpoon guns without any difficulty, and scare you away from my hill. [This is a magical honey badger/tortoise mix. It doesn't care.]

[Agreed]

[ArtDrake]

I bring a particularly powerful electromagnet to the scene of the tortoise and turn it on. Your harpoon gun is wrested away from you.

I claim the hill for myself.

[Steelfist]

[Hey, how about a new rule with regards to god-modding: nothing Superman couldn't handle, and nothing Batman couldn't handle with prep time?]

[I'm in favor. I'd started to think we needed more explicit rules anyway. Although this leaves us open to arguments over what, precisely, they could handle.]

I use some buoyancy aids to keep my mace - actually, I'll capitalize that - my Mace (the one made out of blackened steel) afloat as I swim over to the Tortoise.
I then hit you with it, and roll you into the water without checking for a pulse. I claim the Hill.
See? I can be nice. I didn't make sure you were dead.

Then I just. Sit there. On the Tortoise.
Waiting.

[bugfartboy]

I force the tortoise to submerge through a crude form of mind control. This washes A
Steelfist off of my beautiful tortoise, and prevents anyone who isn't aquatic from accessing the hill. Sadly, the form of mind control I used sucks my consciousness from my bug-like body, and merge with the tortoise's. Although I have no way to really access it, MY HILL!

[Steelfist]

Hmm. Well, the game has been reset, so I'm not made of steel yet. Fortunately, I swim to shore safely and retain my mace through use of buoyancy aids. Next, I obtain an exosuit designed for underwater mace combat, and because you didn't say you moved, I can find you again easily. I fetch an explosive implant that will work underwater and submerge in the exosuit where the tortoise is.

After hitting you a few times in the face with the Mace, I implant the explosive and threaten to detonate it if you don't obey me. I claim the Hill, and put an underwater tracking device on it so I can find it again.

Then I tell you to move around for a while underwater, so you can't be found by anyone else.

My Hill. Though it's still on BFB's back.

[ArtDrake]

I manage to recover from my injuries. I utilize military satellites to track the tortoise -- they have to breathe at some point, and thus must come up for air. Once I have done so, I return to the tortoise with my scuba suit and several EMP devices. I knock out the electronics in your exosuit, leaving you quite vulnerable to my harpoon, from which I shoot one spiked end of a sturdy cord into your leg [sorry, mate, but you weren't being particularly cooperative, and you did bash me over the head] and the other end into a nearby buoy. As the tortoise continues to move, you are yanked from its back into the water.

I find myself glad the EMP also knocked out the triggering mechanism for the explosives, and disarm them.

Now that the Hill seems to be under my control, I remove it from the tortoise [who should really be on land, anyway] and secure it to Cthulhu's back. I make a few human sacrifices to Hydra, Dagon, Cthulhu and a couple of other Old Ones, requesting that they grant me the boon of the ability to breathe underwater. This they do. My Hill on Cthulhu's back.

[Steelfist]

I scream for a bit, as one does when one has a harpoon in one's leg. I cling to the buoy for a while, and find that I still have my Mace, and the buoyancy aids, thankfully. I use the sharp edge of my mace to sever the harpoon's rope, and using them, I manage to make it back to shore, snacking on the occasional shark on the way.

I have my leg fixed up, but I can still barely walk.

Hmm. I miss being steel, so with the use of some ancient rituals and human sacrifice I reform myself as a being of steel once more. Of course, due to the likelihood of encountering water, I make sure it is stainless steel. As such, I can heal my leg.

I do some work to track down an ancient sailor who encountered R'yleh during one of its rare surfacings and managed to leave with his sanity mostly intact. I convince him to tell me where it was, and go to the area where it was.

Then I dive. And sink and sink and sink and sink. Until I hit the bottom. I sneak in, find the sleeping Cthulhu and gently detach it from the snoozing sanity breaker, then carry it away as stealthily as you can carry a Hill.

I then locate a terrible creature from the deep, a creature of dark power and unspeakable malevolence, and hit it until it agrees to return the Hill and I to the surface.

Upon the surface, I carry the suddenly much heavier Hill back onto land, and set it up in Paris as a modern art exhibit.

I call the exhibit MY HILL, and I am praised for my genius. Someone stealing it would simply cement my status as an artistic genius; after all, why else would someone steal it?