King of the hill

[Steelfist]

Magickonegative potential, hmm?

I utilise a variant on the 'Anti-Arcane' shield to combat this; my Steel Knights are equiped with a small personal Anti-Magickonegative Potential Shield (AMPS). It also absorbs heat.

I also study, contemplate and experiment upon this mysterious new form of energy until I can manipulate it.

Butterflies? Hah! I capture and experiment take a genetic sample of one, then genetically engineer a Chaos Albatross! I also install an arcane weather control mechanism, in order to prevent storms and entirely eliminate weather based natural disasters in my area.

I think I'll leave my nanobots mostly as they are; changing them in response to an unknown threat seems foolish, as I don't know how they are currently vulnerable, and changing them would more than likely leave them vulnerable to another form of weapon.

[ArtDrake]

Congratulations: you've fallen into my trap.  :-*

I create nanobots of my own by reverse-engineering yours; I caught a 3-d scan of several of yours that transmitted up to my spy sattelites when you attacked many of my automatons.

They lack many of yours' magical abilities, but they come in handy as surface trawler drones; I redesigned them such that they experience the surface of my duckyrodium-alloy automatons as a flat surface by tweaking their spatial coordinate calculation drives. I use them as high-speed micro-bludgers. In short: they ram through any material attempting to contact the surface of my automatons.

It gets better; they also have high amounts of heat energy, so they not only tear flesh and steel, but can actually ignite steel on contact for a short time. Finally, I add another type of trawler nanobot to the skins of my automatons: one that harnesses Brownian and otherwise chaotic energy to enhance the power of the weapons systems of the automatons themselves. Naturally, they are programmed not to collide. Your chaos Albatrosses have no effect against my army now!

Next, I notice that you have an elite squadron of troops similar to yourself, known as the Steel Knights. They appear to be minibosses, capable of trouncing my infantry troops. As such, I find myself lacking in that department and seek to rectify the situation. Calling in the Elite High Paladins of the Duckling Order!

[Steelfist]

*Reads post*
*Re-reads post*

Wait - what trap? Never mind.

I, seeing that my Steel Knights may be threatened (Though I sincerely doubt this), make two small alterations. Firstly, I establish a mental and arcane link between myself and all Steel Knights. I can sever this at will, obviously. This allows me to, essentially, inhabit any Steel Knight, at any time (Or, with some concentration, multiple Steel Knights. There's a knack to it). It also allows me to channel magic through them and bolster their magical reserves.

Secondly, I refine their personal shield to also absorb kinetic energy, and tranfer it in the form of arcane energy to the Steel Knight.

@Duskling: As long as you do not in any way oppose me or interfere with my business, I will not attack you.

[ArtDrake]

You created chaos albatrosses, which generate large systems of kinetic, Brownian, and otherwise chaotic energy -- just the sort that my nanobots harness and feed back into the duckyrodium automatons: it's basically the same thing as the second thing you did to your Steel Knights.

I do you one better than your first Steel Knight modification. I embed a copy of my consciousness into the nervous system of each of my Elite High Paladins (EHPDOs for short), to be activated on demand, allowing my to narrate the actions of all of my Paladins in the first person when they are attacked. No knack whatsoever.

Is it just me, or are our soldiers approaching invulnerbility?
And are they pretty much ending up as the same things?
Are the only differences cosmetic ones?
Is there even a reason for our fighting?

[Steelfist]

Hmm. Well, I put the CA project on hold; I don't need to fuel other's weapons.

I would say that your soldiers are not exactly aproaching invulnerability, and their minds may be at risk; if their/your conciousness is deactivated outside of combat and only activated in combat, their only experiences will be that of warfare. Not good for mental health, generally.

Anyway; an alliance may, in fact, be in order. I am willing to hold the Hill in common, protected by both of us - provided I am acknowledged as the superior party in the alliance. I am also willing, should you turn down this alliance and proceed to attack me, to destroy your armies and turn your captured self over to Nyarlathotep.

As a matter of fact, I believe that Steelco would be much enhanced by having yourself as an executive. If you want.

[ArtDrake]

Hmm. By the way, it's not my Paladins whose minds are at risk; it's my own mind. My consciousness is embedded in them in addition to theirs, and it only activates during battle. That said, I'm perfectly capable of the battle-strain. Meh. Hehe. Hihihi! Hohohowahahahaaaaa!

Sorry, did I say something? Anyway, there is no superior party to the Elite High Holy Order (except Doctor Who, who doesn't take sides in things like this), so no alliance will be in order. I suspect the same would be the response if I were to offer you a chance at joining me, but I would never do such a thing -- I'd be afraid of your steely evil corrupting me. Meh. Hihihi!

That said and done, I'm summoning Cthulhu and Santa Claus to help me out. Strangely enough, the chant you have to utter to summon Santa sounds just as ominous and evil as the one for Cthulhu. I guess this must be Finnish Santa.

[Steelfist]

In response to your foolish Lovecraft reference, I summon Hastur (Cthulhu's deadly enemy) and Coca Cola. Hastur (Supported by me) dukes it out with Cthulhu and emerges victorious, and Coca Cola sues your ass for using Santa Claus.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

Yeah, that's right. I read Lovecraft. Actually, you probably guessed that from the reference to the Crawling Chaos.

[Ertxiem]

I won't say something like: "SteelFist choked to death (just read the middle paragraph in the post above). Now I can call my hill!"
Instead I'll just ask Duckling if he was referring to the Futurama Santa: the Robot Santa Claus. Then I go meet Zackirus to drink some more Maple Syrup.

[ArtDrake]

Sorry, no. I don't watch Futurama. I was actually thinking about the fact that Scandinavian countries celebrate Christmas much differently from how the rest of the world celebrates it; it tends to be a bit more pagan in emphasis.

I, even more sadly, don't read Lovecraft. I really ought to, but for the moment I'm reading through, slowly, Philip K. Dick's work (it's really not practical to only cite the author's surname in that case).

I win the lawsuit, since I didn't seek to turn a profit in any way, and I wasn't using the merry, jolly Santa known to appear in Coca-Cola ads. However, I will accept the defeat of Cthulhu.

[Steelfist]

Merely mentioning - wouldn't obtaining the Hill be considered profitable? Though I have no idea why anyone actually wants it. I'm still keeping it, though.

Meh. Coca-Cola hires Mr Teatime to eliminate Santa, as he has gone rogue.

As for Lovecraft; he's worth a read, but his work is somewhat repetitive. I quite enjoy his writing, but not everyone shares my opinion.

[Duskling]

Time for some terror. I order my troops to aim the heavy, Planet Killer-class antimatter cannons at a nearby planet populated by a rebellious fledgling empire of technologically advanced amphibious lifeforms. The planet is roughly the size of Earth, and since we don't want to destroy it, the cannon fires a 3 6 pound balls of antimatter at randomly selected (But kept a fair distance apart) areas of the planet, containing roughly 117 (351 altogether) megatons of destructive force, causing catastrophic amounts of damage to the fledgling empire, which is now crippled for several years at the very least.

I've had my fill of sadism for the day. Shields still on, cannons at the ready.

[ArtDrake]

Hmm.

Mr. "Teh-a-tai-meh" was killed by Susan at the end of the book. Thus, the Ghostbusters handle him. Plus, Teatime didn't kill Santa; he's in the wrong universe. Unless you're suggesting that he somehow made his way into Roundworld after dying, I highly doubt that Teatime could do anything about Santa.

I'm not using Santa as a creative work that I'm selling for profit; I'm using him as a sword-for-hire whose services I utilise to obtain real estate.

[Steelfist]

Hmm. Taking the view that this argument is more trouble than it's worth, I simply enact Teatime's plan, killing Santa. And Santa didn't use a sword, he used a sack. And I'm sure you could find a 'sack for hire' much cheaper virtually anywhere.

[ArtDrake]

Sadly, you failed to consider that I might use the Python command,

Code Select Expand

import susan

and bring in a countermeasure against your Santa-killing plot. Inner child, meet the inner babysitter! Also, Santa gets more militant as you get away from the Anglican church; Santa has used switches, clubs, and just plain eating little kids before in different parts of the world, depending on his mood at the time.

[Steelfist]

I'll just ignore the fact that that wouldn't work; I'm made of steel, what is a poker meant to do to ME? Besides, I'm not a monster (Honest); I'm merely trying to remove a threat that also happens to be jolly and generous. Um. Ok, I'm a monster. Abandoning that plan . . .

Kris Kringle, elite mercenary? I see.

I appeal to Santa; he utilises magic, and has magical elf subordinates - wouldn't it be better to support the Arcane side? Then, to ensure the prevalance of my point, I write a letter to Santa asking him to join my side. He's a sucker for letter-writers. It is at this point that I send him down your chimney to leave a little present . . .

It's a watch. A nice one. Rolex. Now, leave the Hill alone, please. It's mine (As is the world and several universes), and I intend to keep it that way.

And I've also convinced Santa to inform me as to how he fits through chimneys, and how he enters homes with no chimneys. He also teaches us how he makes it round the world in one night. Now I have Steel Knights that can get anywhere, at anytime.