King of the hill

[Steelfist]

How do you:

1. Reach it.

2. Kill me by breaking it.

My Hill.

[ArtDrake]

Basically, I delete all posts labeled "Steelfist." For some reason, everyone seems to spend a bit of time attacking a fortress in a parallel universe that doesn't exist. If you still see them, it's just the hallucinogenic cats you petted five hours ago kicking in.

My Hill, taken from Ert with a cattle prod of death.

[Steelfist]

I change my name slightly to validate this post, along with all previous, and proceed to delete your account and ban you, as well as blocking your IP. Any further posts will be invalid, as will any edits, as you would be violating your ban.

[ArtDrake]

It's a good thing that I know how to change my I.P. address! And I can reconstruct an account very quickly. Sadly, I have to wrest the Hill from my former self.

[Ertxiem]

Ah! I disguise myself as a electric company employee and pretend that I have to do some maintenance. Instead, I just turn off the power, and take the opportunity to cut the internet cables (so, even if you were running a laptop with some batteries, it's bye bye internet). Unfortunately, the sudden cut of power created some errors in the hard-drives of your computers and, for now on, their only use is as paperweights. Ooops. Sorry about that.

I walk away and use a whistle to make a "duck call". Not being able to resist his curiosity, Duckling goes down the hill to see what's that sound. I quickly climb the hill from the other side and claim: my hill!

[ArtDrake]

I tip the dead cow. My hill! (I hope your corpse didn't sustain too much damage)

[Steelfist]

I crush you with my mace. Job done. I claim the Hill (My Hill) and offer an alliance with the dead cow.

[Ertxiem]

I say:
Oooo! *I blush.* Are you offering me an alliance ring? I have no words.

You look puzzled. I take the opportunity to rear kick you in the bottom and you fly away downhill. Ooops. Sorry about that. My hill.

(I'm a mean dead cow. I wonder what the revenge will be. )

[ArtDrake]

Tipping the cow worked well enough last time. *push*
My hill.
And now, I'm wearing a bit of armor with mace-stoppage power.

[Steelfist]

You forget the mace is both made of steel and wielded by a person with muscles literally made of steel.

So, y'know, I just do it again, despite the armor.

My Hill. I also modify my mace - it now has diamond tipped spikes.

Incidentally, I have released my steel veez with orders to track down the dead cow - who can't go far, as it is nursing a broken foot from kicking solid steel. It does so, I then capture and imprison the dead cow it a magically reinforced steel box, and then seal it for eternity and bury it on Yuggoth. Have fun.

[Steel Ersatz Man]

I, once again join the steel alliance. So, that way, I at least have SOME control over the hill.

[Zackirus]

I walk up behind Steelfist and pour a vat of boiling magma on him. It is so hot that it melts his steel form into its base components, iron and carbon. Once you are completely separated, I take some AuNo₃ and combine it with your iron creating Fe(No₃)₃ (and I get some gold too!). I then then seal you (Fe(No₃)₃Fist) in some platinum casing and send it into a black hole. I then take your carbon and combine with another carbon, one oxygen, and 6 hydrogens to create Ethanol (C₂H₆O), and then take my alcohol and give it to some random hobo, and then send the hobo into the another blackhole. What know Fe(No₃)₃/C₂H₆OFist?

As for Erstaz man, I simply tell him that I started up the RTD again, he rushes to his computer and I take the hill back to Canada. Where I don't guard it at all, and enjoy some maple syrup. Anyone wanna join, stop the fight, and have a collective ownership of the hill?

[Ertxiem]

I make an anonymous telephone call to the police that you stole some nobelium (No) and I present a printed version of your post as evidence. You get arrested. I take the opportunity to tell the police that you think you took a hill to Canada. Obviously, they think you're crazy. It will take a while for you to get rid from jail and/or from a mental institution.

After that, I calmly climb the hill and claim: My hill.
While I'm on top, I try not to fall asleep so that I can resist being tipped downhill. One of the things I think about, while I'm awake and nursing my broken foot, is how on Earth did that weird chemical reaction worked with Nobelium instead of Gold Nitrate (AuNO₃).

In case you're wondering how did I got out of my magically reinforced steel box that was sent to Yuggoth, it's quite simple. Steelfist just forgot to put the correct stamp on it. So, inside the post office, they decided to open the box to check its contents. The customs at Yuggoth refused to receive a dead cow and I was sent back to Earth. Since I wasn't claimed by Steelfist they threw the (already) open box away. When nobody was looking, I simply went away.

[Zackirus]

Thankfully, due to Canada's Medical System and Legal system, I get an appeal and successfully win. After a few days at the medical ward, I am released soon after. I track down and you and the hill and bring you back alive, through uses of black magic. I then precede to drown you in maple syrup, killing you once again. I then take your dead body and throw it into a meat grinder. I then make hamburgers and proceed to feed several families in a multiple of countries. I then poison them and cremate them. I take the ashes and spread them across a different universe. Satisfied. I take the hill back to Canada, and make a claim for it.

Now. My Hill.

Also: Stupid Phone, autocorrecting my sentences '-_-

[Idozen Cair]

I go to your hill, then use an M9 to shoot you in the head, killing you. I burn your body into ashes then dispose of it. I claim the Hill that is still in Canada, and I set up burning Netherrack all around the Hill for defense.

My Hill!